Wait

My BSF teaching leader read this poem in her lecture last week and a friend posted it on her blog and I am now posting it on mine. Another friend told me last week that it was written by someone that goes to my church! What precious words these are to me today.

Today we went to our ultrasound to determine the size of our baby girl! My doctor felt it was necessary (as did I) since every day people are telling me (rudely) that I look like I am going to pop or asking me if I am having twins. I don't really care in the sense of feeling bad about the way I look, but it is frustrating to encounter so many rude commets on a daily basis. I can't figure out why people feel so entitled to comment on my physical state! What ever happended to "You look like you're glowing!" ;) Needless to say the comments and discomfort have been adding to my desire to have Audrey sooner than 41 weeks, which is when Jack was born!

According to the ultrasound, she is weighing in at 6 pounds, 2 ounces which is about a pound more than she should. Her head and belly are measuring at 36 weeks (I am only 33 5/7). The fluid around the baby is above normal. The highest it should be is 25 cm and I am measuring 29. The risk with both of these conditions is that the weight of my uterus could send me into premature labor. Not what I wanted to hear! I have been advised to "restrict my activity" which means do as little as possible. Sounds like an interesting task! Tomorrow I will have another 3-hour gestational diabetes test to make sure I do not have late-onset diabetes. I whined about this at first until I found out that a risk of gestational diabetes is still birth. If I have it, I will need insulin shots. Also, my doctor will not be letting me pass 39 weeks, so Audrey will be here before June 9th, most likely in May he said.

I am was excited to hear that I would not have to wait until 41 weeks, but at the same time, I am feeling anxious about the unknowns. I definitely am praying that she not come before 37 weeks because she would therefore be premature and be in the NICU. I also am such a planner that thinking the due date has move up has caused me to go into panic mode about getting things done that I had on my list prior to her arrival.

After all this, I keep coming back to the thought that I know God knows the day she will be born, whether its early or not and he has planned this from the beginning of time. I found myself telling God "I trust you" over and over in my head today. I didn't have a need to trust God, I would never have the opportunity to know his heart and his love for me as the poem says. So, I am going to wait for the day Audrey is born, not wishing I knew ahead of time, but trusting that God knows.

Wait by Russell Kelfer
 
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."