Santa 2016

This year my heart broke just a little bit more. Jack came home saying that Arabella mentioned that Santa wasn't real. I told him that I would talk to him later when Audrey wasn't around. His eyes got big and there was silence. I told him I didn't want her to go to school saying that. That seemed to appease him and I hear nothing else that day.

A few days later, I was sitting at my computer and in comes Jack, robed in his soft gray blanket. (He sleeps in only underwear...hot natured like his daddy I suppose.)

Jack: Mommy, Arabella says Santa isn't real and I just don't know what to think. I don't know if he is real and I just keep thinking about what you said about not talking about it around Audrey and (on and on).

Me: (The only thing that I could think to say was "Well, what do you think?" which is what my mama had said. I didn't say that. I had decided to be honest. After a long pause and making sure to soak in every second of his precious ramble, I said...). Jack, do you want me to tell you the truth? Santa isn't real.

Jack: He's not? He's not? (Eyes up toward the ceiling and wheels turning.)

Me: No. I am so sorry. Are you sad?

Jack: A little.

Me: Me too.

Jack: But what about the cookies? Who eat the cookies?

Me: (I raised my hand and Jack smiled).

Jack: But what about the note? I asked if Rudolf was real and I told my music class I believed he was real.

Me: He's not real. I wrote the note.

Jack: You did!?

Me: Yes. And now you have to keep the secret! Audrey is still young and so is Sam so you have to help me make sure they still believe.

Jack: Ok!

We hugged. I teared up. He asked me why I was sniffling. No mention of the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy...yet.