Sovereign

It's taken me a long time to write about the great loss that my family experienced this past November. The 17th was a Sunday, so many were at church in the small town my parents moved to just a couple of years ago. My mom, dad and Marleigh were at church and BJ was at home in the basement. My brother did not hear the sirens and by the time he heard the tornado coming and the window break he had no time to go anywhere else but to hide under the covers. He believes the tornado took less than 30 seconds to pass over and destroy their house. As he opened the door to his bedroom, he saw the sky. He texted my mom to see if Marleigh had gone to church with them. (I can't imagine the horror of not knowing if Marleigh had been on the now-flattended second floor of the house). He texted then to say the house was gone. 

Around 11:30 or 12 I called my mom. No answer. I called my dad. An answer...my mom was out of breath and I could hear the wind blowing. She said they were trying to walk back to the house and that it was gone. I hung up the phone in shock. My initial reaction was to text my small group and ask for prayer. I felt so incredibly helpless otherwise. I had come very close to losing my family. So many "what ifs" go through your head in a crisis. What if Marleigh had stayed home from church? What if the floor had collapsed on my brother? What if it had been 6 am when all were sleeping and they had no warning? However, I have had to make a conscious decision to not ask what if. The truth is that none of those other scenarios exist. God knew exactly when the tornado would strike. He knew where every person would be and he makes no mistakes. 

Over the next week, my brother, dad and extended family and friends worked on the home site sifting through every thing could physically lift. The frigid air was no barrier to people showing up to help. It was amazing to see the outpouring of love and support. Unforutnatly, Chance, their beloved Cavalier puppy did not survive the storm. Marleigh's chinchilla and bearded dragon, did however miraculously survive for several days in the below-zero weather. They were found randomly among the debris.  I stayed in San Antonio until the Saturday following the storm. During that week, our friends overwhelmed us with prayers and support. They are the reason that my eyes stayed focused on the Lord. I arrived in IL the Saturday after the storm. Sunday was the last day to clean up because the city was coming Monday to clear the curbs. Friends I haven't seen in years showed up to help. Kurt's sister and brother-in-law drove all the way from St. Louis to help in any way they could. 

I often sit quietly with my eyes closed and picture myself in their situation...my house and my belongings gone. The thing about belongings here on earth is that they of course are just that...belongings. However, our belongings and our homes are tied to so many memories, to our safety, to feelings of security and stability. I wrestle back and forth. As a Christian, I realize that God and the people around us are more important than any of the belongings I have, but I also see God's hand of blessing in all of the material items he has given me. Also, seeing everything vanish before your eyes brings a heightened awareness of the power of God and a recognition of how dependent we are on Him for every single need in our lives, for every breath we take. I often have no words, but only sighs of my spirit to give to God. God knows all. He grieves with us and feels a loss as well. I read something recently that spoke volumes to my heart (currently I can't remember the source). It said, "When you cannot trace God's hand, you can trust His heart." In this situation, I cannot begin to understand why God chose to destroy my family's home and take away Chance. But in the end I can trust His heart. His heart is one that loves us and one which has a good plan for our life. I know there will be many more years of remembering and grieving over what was lost and rejoicing over the preservation of my family. And I know God will be faithful during those times to comfort us and remind us of the glorious future we have in Him in heaven. 

Below you will see pictures of us at an old farm house outside of Peoria. We rented the house for 2 nights in order to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner and to recreate some sort of normalcy amongst the chaos. We made our traditional Thanksgiving meal and even managed to decorate our gingerbread cookies. 

You will also see a picture of my dad shaking the hand of the insurance agent. What a blessing to see my family taken care of and what praise I give to my mom and dad for preparing for this tragedy by choosing great insurance for their home and belongings. 

You will also see some pictures of our basement with a window broken out against a white wall. This was my brother's room. This was the only basement window that was broken. Yet the floor of the house remained in tact and he was kept safe despite flying debris. Praise God. 

I have paid close attention to Jack and Audrey's reactions to the tornado. They both deal with the storm in different ways. Jack has an astounding ability to trust God to provide for the family. He talks about their house and about Chance without reserve and is excited about the possibility of seeing them more now. Audrey prays almost every night, "Papa Mema house.", which means she is praying for them to find a new house. She also asks quite frequently when they will buy another dog. 

Most of all, the tornado has impressed upon my heart that we must be ready for this life to end at any moment. The Bible tells us that Jesus will return like a thief in the night. I am ready and so are Kurt and Jack. Audrey of course is still too young to comprehend Jesus' sacrifice, but she knows that God loves her and that Jesus came to earth. (She is so proud of herself for being able to sing all of "Jesus Loves Me.) My prayer is that this tornado has changed the hearts of many who did not believe in Christ prior to the storm. God does use tragedy to draw people to himself and I pray that many would recognize Jesus as their savior. 

I pray for my family often and here is some of what I have prayed: 

I pray that my mom and dad would have unexplainable strength and stamina to continue rebuilding their life. I pray that they would rely solely on God to direct their steps and they would hear His voice above all others. I pray that He would fill any void they feel in their hearts after losing so much. 

I pray that Marleigh would see God's hand in this tragedy and that she would not feel that she is forgotten by the Lord, bur rather cared for and treasured. I thank God for sparing some of her animals and that she might see this as God's unique way of showing himself to her. I pray also for peace upon Marleigh as there is potential for a change in where she goes to school. 

I pray for my brother that he would experience God's peace. I pray that he would not live in fear after having experienced such a traumatic event, but rather experience joy in seeing how God's mighty hands covered him at the very moment of the storm. I pray that his survival would turn into a powerful witness of God's grace in his life. 

And of course I pray God often for sparing my family. I often feel I can't breath when my mind wanders down the "what if" trails. God is ever so gracious to bring me back to the truth. 

This is the verse we wrote on the back of our Christmas cards. We cling to this verse in the wake of many difficult times in 2013 and we trust in the Lord's plan. 

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.