Jack is 10! Double DIGITS!

Dear Sweet Jack, 

Happy Birthday to my sweet baby boy so made me a mama 10 years ago today and about this time in the evening. When I think of you my heart swells up and I am overcome with joy and at the same time I grieve over you growing older. Knowing that one day you will move out and have your own grown up life is too big and heavy of a thought for me to bear. This letter is 6 months past due but honestly every time I thought about writing it, I became sad. You still tell me you want to build a tunnel to connect our houses. I tell you that your wife may have something to say about that and you just can't understand why that would be. Third and fourth grade have been quite an adjustment for me. The things you come home from school with are scary to be honest. You have such a strong ethical spirit that the inappropriate talk and behavior really really bothers you, as it should. My heart breaks for the kids at your school. I struggle every day with whether I am following God's will in sending you to public school. My heart and your dad's is for you to know how to live IN the world and not be OF the world. I am praying and praying that you will find friends who you feel comfortable with at your school. You have been through so much over the past year. Three new schools, which comes along with all new friends. It's been hard but I have seen amazing growth in you in your bravery and confidence. Every time we leave a school the teachers and students grieve over losing you. You don't see this in yourself, but you are a leader, amazing friend and a wonderful example. Just the other day you asked me what a certain song was that kids at school were singing. I looked it up and told you it was too horrible for me to even repeat to you what the lyrics were. You went to school and were so brave. You told your friend who was singing the song that it was really inappropriate and he should stop singing it. Your friend agreed and said it was horrible (or some word I can't remember). Go Jack! What a blessing for me to see you stand up for what's right. I am praying you will see the fruit of your goodness. We have talks long into the night about what you heard at school or what thoughts you might be having. My other prayer for you this year is for you to be free of feeling like you have to be perfect and accepting your humanness and forgiving yourself. You are so hard on yourself and get so upset when you make a wrong decision. I hope that one day your mess-ups will only be a sweet reminder of the fact that you need Jesus, like we all do. I love you Jack and I am delighted to be your mom. You make me cry with your sweet words and perspectives every time we talk it seems. I hope you will learn to enjoy the way that God created you and feel peace about the fact that you don't always fit in because of your goodness and gentle spirit. I cannot wait until one day when I see you become a husband and daddy. You will change the world in so many ways and you already have. I want to be like you when I grow up. Thank you for loving me in my own imperfection. 

Here is a little more about you: 

*You still really want to be little. You are torn between wanting to grow up but still be held in my lap and rocked. 

*You don't like that Audrey is getting older either. 

*You think that you ask a lot of questions but I think its a sign of a very smart person. 

*You love Fortnight and you love to talk about it. 

*But really you would rather not have friends who play video games. 

*You are a pretty picky eater. Still. You still cry when I feed you meat. 

*You take forever to poop and it's always when we are leaving the house. 

*You love to snuggle under your gray blanket. 

*You told me the other day you are less shy at school and church now and that you like our new church.

*You have great empathy for people, especially Marleigh's situation. 

*You love pizza and will eat til you are sick. 

*You still love your chocolate pie. 

*Your eyes are still greenish blueish grayish and you smile with your eyes. 

*You are worried that when I am old and die that you won't have anyone to help you talk through life's challenges. 

*You greatly miss your Aunt Carolyn.

*You have some acne now and are starting be pre-pubescent. I am terrified of this. Lol
*You ask me and your dad how we are doing frequently. 
*You call Sam by the name Ol Bebe. 
*You greatly miss San Antonio and all the loved one we have there. 
*You are so artistic and still draw any chance you get, including your homework. 

What is your full name? Jack Harrison Trauth 

How old are you? Just turned 10
Favorite color? Blue, wait light blue

Favorite toy? I don't know. I like a lot of my toys. 

Favorite fruit? Oranges

Favorite tv show or movie? Teen Titans Go

Favorite thing to eat for lunch? Peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a smoothie and oranges

Favorite outfit? Probably my dinosaur t-shirt that I got the day before my birthday

Favorite game to play? Exploding Kittens

Favorite snack? Sour Cream and Onion Lays or Pringles

Favorite animal? Tiger

Favorite song? Jesus Loves Me This I Know

Favorite book? Right now it's Land of Stories

Who is your best friend? Jackson, Owen and Thawban

What is your favorite thing to do outside? I like playing basketball and tennis and soccer.

Favorite drink? Sprite mixed with lemonade, wait no Coca Cola too

Favorite holiday? Halloween and Christmas

What do you like to take to bed with you at night? Two pillows and Garfield and my big bear and my UNC pillow

What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Donuts with milk and oranges

What do you want for dinner on your birthday? Soft pretzels with chips and smoothie with oranges

What do you want to be when you grow up? I don't know. There's lots of things you could do. 

What is your favorite thing to do with daddy? I like playing video games or Rock Monster or sports

and mommy? I like talking with you and playing Mario Kart and snuggling with you

and Audrey? I like playing games like secret spies or other stuff

and Sam? I like playing super heros and bad guys and cars

If you could have any superpower what would it be? Shape shifting so you could turn into anything

Favorite super hero? Black Panther and Batman and Superman and Spiderman

Do you think you will get married one day? To whom? Yea probably, I don't know, maybe Hermione when she was younger.
Favorite famous person: Jesus and Harrison Ford
Tell me about Jesus. He died on the cross for my sins and I'll go to Heaven because I believe he did that and I am really happy to go to Heaven. I really love him too and I know he loves me too. 

How much do you think Jesus loves you? Infinity and beyond

Dear Lord, I thank you for allowing me to be Jack's mom. What a gift he is to our whole family. I completely understand why you made him the first and oldest. I honestly admire him and want to be like him. I thank you for how you made him in your image and I have been realizing recently that being made in your image helps me to understand more of what you are like by studying those around us. Jack no doubt was made in your image and shows me that you are kind, gentle, loving, trusting, trustworthy, self-controlled, tender, fun and pure. I cherish each day I have with him as a child. He longs to stay little in a world that wants him to grow up too soon. I pray Lord that you would meet him here in NC and provide sweet friends who will be there over time and will reassure him that he's not the only one who longs for goodness. Give him friends at school and at church who long to please you and who want to act with integrity and be of good character. I pray that his heart would break for his classmates who don't know you and I praise you for the progress I see in his confidence level and standing up for what's right. This world is hard in many many ways, and I sometimes grieve over having to raise children in it. I pray that you would help me protect him and guide him in your ways. Lord protect his heart, his mind, his body and spirit. I pray that he would grow old and spend every one of his days serving and loving you and those around him. I pray that never once would he walk away from you or doubt your presence. I pray that he would walk closely with you in humility and seek to know you better and become more like Jesus. I pray that you would use him in mighty ways to further your kingdom. Lord prepare my own heart to let him go wherever you lead. I am already grieving over him leaving my home. I pray that you would prepare him well to be a good and faithful husband and that you would protect his future wife. I pray that she would come to know you at a young age and that they would be equally yoked. I pray that their children would be healthy and happy and give their lives to you. Lord give Jack strength to live in this world and also your eyes to see those around him the way you do, with grace, love and mercy and a deep desire to see them saved. Lord protect his body from harm as well as protect him spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Give me wisdom on how to parent him and the words to council him in your ways. Lord thank you for the privilege of raising this child and for all that he's taught me. I love you Lord and thank you again for the blessing of Jack, who I still vividly remember being laid in my arms and feeling so full of joy. 
Amen.